21 weeks, 2 days: a little venting to release pressure

I posted this on a pregnancy forum on whattoexpect.com, but what the heck. I want to spread my annoyance far and wide. I am learning from my kitten, who is a vocal advocate for his own wants and needs, even when he’s not sure what those are.

I don’t mind opinions/advice, but what’s with the teasing/hazing?

Whattoexpect.com sent me an update that I might be feeling anxiety. I am, a little, but mostly still good pregnant happy feelings.

Still, sometimes I wonder if the worry is creeping in because friends and co-workers have gradually changed their behavior. The first few months it was all “congratulations!” and “how are you feeling?” and “this is what helped me during my pregnancy.”

But in the past couple weeks, more and more “friendly” teasing has started to come in. Anytime I say anything innocuous like “I didn’t sleep well last night,” I get “oh welcome to the next few years of your life–actually the next 18–actually, forget sleep for the rest of your life!” Seriously, I can’t mention a night of normal insomnia without this chain of joking happening.

Someone mentioned bloody marys this morning in a staff meeting and I joked, “Mmm…just 5 more months!” Someone else piped up “What do you mean? This doesn’t all end once you have the baby!” and everyone laughed. I didn’t mean I would go back to being an irresponsible bachelorette, for crying out loud, I just meant I would like to have a bloody mary again after I’ve given birth.

At first it was cute and funny but honestly, all this constant reinforcement that my life is going to be a living hell forever is not exactly conducive to a relaxed, happy pregnancy. Do people honestly think that pregnant women who are trying to face the future realistically yet optimistically want to be constantly told that there’s nothing they can do; their lives are ruined and they’ll never be happy or well-rested another day in their life?

Is anyone else getting this vibe from well-meaning people? Am I just being overly sensitive? Before I got pregnant but talked about wanting to conceive, most people were more like, “It’s a lot of work but it’s the greatest joy ever.” Now I hardly ever get any kind of encouragement that this is, y’know, a positive step I’ve taken.

21 weeks: more and more movement

I’m nearly recovered from my bad cold that started last Tuesday, but even though the coughing and congestion are winding down and the achiness ins completely gone, yesterday and today I feel like I’ve taken Nyquil. My limbs feel heavy, I don’t feel like moving or thinking too much, and I yawn constantly. I guess just weakened from baby-producing plus germ-fighting. NT got me out for a brief walk yesterday, and I was the lead chef on a pretty awesome dinner last night, so I know I CAN move, I just don’t feel motivated to do so. (AS, who doesn’t feel a connection to cooking non-bread dinner-type foods, was my sous chef; with me occasionally out of commission and NT away at class most weeknights, she’s really stepped up and, surprise surprise, she’s actually pretty good at cooking savory foods.)

In other health-complaints news, my heartburn occasionally reaches epic proportions these days. We went to a party Saturday night, and I was going to have my one weekly glass of wine that I’ve allotted myself, but my heartburn was so persistent that I knew even a sip of wine would make it unbearable. I hit my daily limit of 10 Tums that day, and still the heartburn never quite went away until the next afternoon. I already was prone to fairly regular acid stomach, and it’s normal to get more heartburn during pregnancy, so I’m not worried, just annoyed. But considering how mild my other pregnancy symptoms have been, I can’t really complain.

I had a pretty neat idea for our baby the other day that I want to put down here in hopes of not forgetting when the time comes. Figlet will have a large extended family, all out of state (or country). I thought that, to enforce the idea and keep it a little bit connected to all its relatives, we could make a little picture book that has all the grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins in it, with their names underneath. We could update the photos occasionally so they would hopefully always recognize their relatives when they do get to see them. I also want to see how many people we can get on board with using Skype and webcams.

Oh right, and as you can tell from the title of this post, the baby now moves every day, several times a day. The sensations are getting stronger and stronger and are now unmistakeably something moving around in me; no more ghostly little flutters. There have been a few times when I’ve put my fingers on my belly and can feel some movement from the outside, but so far I’ve yet to get AS or NT to feel it. Usually I get one or two kicks or pokes strong enough to feel at a time, so by the time I call them over, figlet has settled down again. But I can tell it won’t be long at all before they can feel it too! I know it’ll become routine, but I’m so impatient for that first time I can share the sensation with them.

20 weeks, 4 days: Past the halfway point?

Well, I was very excited on Monday to reach the projected halfway point of my pregnancy, but I was too busy at work and at home to blog on that day.

Tuesday I was busy all day at work and coming down with a cold by the end of the day that just made me want to curl up in a useless blob. The blobbiness lasted all day Wednesday and Thursday. Today I’m slightly less useless, but already dreaming of bed and/or couch at 4:30 pm.

Let’s see, pregnancy-related stuff from the past week or so…hmm…well, it’s quite stressful deciding which (if any) medications to take when you’re sick. When I really needed something (about 3 am on Wednesday), I didn’t have the energy to get up and start doing research. Then, I started doing research online because I didn’t want to go back in the bedroom and possibly disturb AS. Well, every medication’s got some detractors and some people that say it’s fine. Lots of saintly pregnant women, too, proudly boasting how THEY were willing to SUFFER for a few days rather than pose the slightest risk to their baby, so they wouldn’t even take a cough drop. Well, OK, but if the aches are bad enough to cause insomnia, I’m not really getting the rest I need, and thus the healing is going to be slower.

Finally NT went and got the list my clinic gave us, and it listed several Tylenol variations–cold, sinus, multi-symptom–as OK to take. We had a generic that said “compare to Tylenol Sinus Pain” so I took that. Sweet relief; I got three more hours of sleep! NT went and got me some Tylenol Cold with the day & night pills. I took the daytime stuff a few times, and then, since I was planning to drag myself to work on Friday, decided to take the nighttime stuff Thursday night. It got me to sleep, but I woke at 3:30–not achy, but dazed and a little paranoid. Thought I was feeling pains in my belly; knew they were most likely imaginary and/or gas/indigestion/whatever. Couple of healthy punches or kicks from the figlet put my mind at ease a bit. I don’t think the pain was related.

But anyway, I’m not going to take the nighttime stuff again, since it doesn’t do the one thing it’s supposed to do that the daytime stuff doesn’t. And the doctor’s list didn’t mention whether it was OK or not specifically.

Today I’m not miserable, so I’m trying to go without any medicine. For one thing it makes me a little dopy, which isn’t good at work, and for another, not taking it helps ease the paranoid little voice in the back of my mind. But I’ll take some tonight if it seems like stuffiness or other symptoms will keep me awake.

Oh! And we think we’ve settled on the first and middle names for figlet whether it’s a girl or boy. I’m quite excited about both name combinations, which makes it even more impossible to have a preference as to which gender we actually have. Depends on which names I’m more excited about at the moment. I hope it likes its names; we put lots and lots of time and thought into our choices. Oh, and I can’t remember if I mentioned this on my blog, but we’ve already decided on the last name too. That one I will divulge (to those who know our last names): We’re giving the baby my last name. If AS has a child, it’s getting NT’s last name. Unless we decide to go for the gusto and have a third child (VERY unlikely in my mind), AS’s last name (which she’s never had a huge connection to for various reasons) will get the shaft. This is how it’s gotta be when you’re determined to outnumber your kids; it’s like musical chairs.

19 weeks, 1 day: lots of good news

Friday was our long-awaited ultrasound appointment. Before it, I had searched online for how many U/S’s people usually get; I’ve seen so many blogs where people seem to get them all the time. Some people get 20-30 over the course of a pregnancy, for no good reason except they like seeing the pictures and their insurance covers it, so why not? One commenter on a discussion thread made the very good point that even though it doesn’t cost the person directly, it does contribute to rising premiums.  There’s also been no study to ensure the safety of frequent ultrasounds that I could find; I mean, it’s probably fine, but why take the chance? So I was feeling pretty good about our following our doctor’s direction and just getting one.

Reading these discussion boards also made me remember that the reason for the ultrasound isn’t to take cute pictures of the fetus; it’s to measure fetal development and look for any problems. So I was a little nervous when we got there.

The appointment was really interesting. For one thing, I thought it would be rather short; take one pic and go. But the technician moved around on my belly a lot, getting cross-sections of the brain, heart and torso, checking blood flow, measuring various organs, and taking tons of pictures. For another, I didn’t think the U/S would be a live feed, so to speak, though I have no idea what else it could have been, now that I stop to consider it. We saw all four chambers of our little one’s heart, beating furiously and regularly at just the right rate! That was when my eyes started welling up and I was glad to be facing away from our taciturn technician. Tears trickled for about five minutes while I struggled to grasp the enormity that we were bringing another human being into existence.

Then the fun part began, with pictures of the whole fetus, arms, legs, hands and feet. Our baby was pumping its legs and moving its arms around, seeming to touch its face, opening and closing its fingers and its mouth. We got several great pictures, but I have some favorites, which I’ll try to add to this post or somewhere on my blog.

We also got to see a 3D picture, which was cool but made the baby look kinda like an alien. Couldn’t tell if it’s because it’s not a real photo, or if it’s due to the gooey stuff the baby is covered in right now (can’t remember the name, but I read about it in a What to Expect e-mail).

We did have to schedule one more U/S, because apparently Figlet wasn’t cooperating and the tech couldn’t get the right picture of the spine for measuring. (We did see the spine quite a bit, so that doesn’t worry me.) So that’ll happen in another 4 weeks.

Then on Saturday, we went to tour the birth center of the hospital we were thinking about using for the delivery. We liked everything we saw, and none of us felt uncomfortable about any part of it, so we’re going to pre-register for that hospital soon. We liked that the tour guide consistently said “your husband or partner” even though there were no same-sex couples (though maybe she didn’t know what to make of the three of us; I assume she thought it was me with husband and friend); that shows a sensitivity that I hope will extend to a three-person relationship. Seeing a birthing room was really crazy, because it was so small and ordinary-looking, in contrast to the blindingly white, bright, machine-filled rooms they show on TV and in the movies. This had its share of contraptions, but the delivery bed was just a teeny little thing with a thin mattress, and the room felt cramped compared to the Hollywood version (of course, because they need to make those rooms bigger to film from different angles). They don’t have a birthing pool but they do have a tub for laboring in, and they have an exercise ball in each room. They encourage moving around; you aren’t constantly hooked up. And they have a policy that the baby never leaves your room if there are no complications and if you so choose; they will even bring in a tub and wash the baby off right there. I REALLY like that idea because one of my most irrational recurring thoughts is that after going to all that trouble, I do NOT want some switched-at-birth scenario to go down!

My third piece of good news: We’re almost to the halfway point! The predicted length of pregnancy is 40 weeks, so we’re just 6 days away.

18 weeks, 3 days: cost update

Over the weekend I bought a bunch of maternity clothes that have plenty of room and should last me awhile. I got three sweaters, a business jacket, two pairs of slacks and four shirts. $177.91 total (lots of it was on sale).

Also saved $20 not buying birth control meds in October.

Total pregnancy cost so far: $813.62

18 weeks, 2 days: The quickening?

About a week ago, I woke up in the middle of the night (not uncommon these days). As I lay half-awake, I thought I could feel fluttery little movements inside my belly. I tried to lie more still, but my heart was pounding from waking up suddenly, so I couldn’t really tell if I was feeling something or not.

Two nights ago I woke up again. This time my belly was experiencing a sensation similar to when a car goes over a small hill with an abrupt dip downward; a sort of breathless, stomach-turning-over sensation. Again, I was in a dreamlike state. Just like my intense-seeming cramps of early pregnancy, I didn’t feel later that I could judge them accurately since I wasn’t in a completely lucid state when they happened.

Today a co-worker (L.) was asking about my pregnancy, and I told her about these experiences. (She called it “quickening”; I’d forgotten that word. It’s an exciting word!) She told me that the first few movements had felt to her like a fish flipping over in her belly. That sounded similar to my second nocturnal experience, so I told AS and NT about it over lunch.

When I got back from lunch, I was sitting and clearing my mind between assignments when I thought I felt a slippery, swishing movement in my lower (slight left) abdomen. I sat very very still and tried to breath deeply and evenly so my heart wouldn’t start pounding harder. I rested my fingers gently approximately where I’d felt the sensation. I felt a similar sensation, more pronounced, and I swear I felt it on my fingers, just a slight sensation of something happening in my belly.

I sat there for about 20 more minutes and thought I felt it a few more times. Since I’d just had a rather large lunch, I could feel gurgling in another part of my stomach. This served as a contrast so I could tell how completely different this lower-abdomen sensation felt from normal digestive feelings.

It’s happening again as I write this! It’s a little like having a quick muscle spasm (like an eye twitch), but inside the belly. It’s a little like a trapped butterfly might feel like fluttering around, bumping its wings against surfaces. Is it too far to the side to be figlet? I know it’s about 5 or 6 inches tall by now, but all curled up and mostly head, I think, so I’m not sure where its limbs might be. It’s such a tiny sensation that it almost seems like I could have been imagining it when it stops. But I think it’s my baby!

18 weeks, 1 day: Various gripes

Today I considered staying home sick. I have what AS is confident is a sty–a pimple on my eyelid, basically. It’s been there for three days, and today I woke up with a puffy dark bag under my eye that looks bruised. I don’t think it’s too noticeable, but it’s distracting because the swelling pokes into my line of vision. For a proofreader this isn’t great because you constantly notice it. But my vision’s not blurred or anything, and it’s not too painful if I don’t touch it or blink too much, so I dragged myself in anyway.

We adopted an abandoned kitten last Thursday. We named him Noodles. Since he was abandoned we didn’t know anything about his health history, and we couldn’t get in to see the vet until Monday, so when I woke up with a sore, swollen eyelid on Sunday, my first thought was to blame Noodles. But all of my Internet searches couldn’t pull up a connection between this symptom and cats, unless it was a weird manifestation of cat scratch fever, which isn’t typically dangerous. Then AS spotted the blemish and we’re pretty sure it’s just a random sty, nothing to do with Noodles.

Then I realized if we didn’t have a cat, I’d be freaking out relating it to the pregnancy instead. But if I had neither a cat nor a pregnant belly I’d be calmer. So I’m trying to not freak out and let it take its course. I have an appointment on Friday, so if it’s still there I can ask about it then.

We’re trying to comprehend the concept of outside child care, without knowing how AS’s job situation is going to work out, whether my job is going to allow me the option of intermittent FMLA leave, and thus when exactly we’d have to start using daycare. This is not helped by the fact that nearly all care providers are canny and secretive about their rates online, and there don’t seem to be any sites where parents reveal the prices to help others out. AS has called one or two and they tend to want to withhold rates information until you come in for a tour. This all sounds so shifty and used-car-salesman-y; doesn’t exactly make me want to give any of them my, you know, child.

We’ve decided to compile a list of questions–about vegan options, cloth diapers, part-time options, prices, etc.–and then divvy up a list of the providers we can find convenient to our home, work or commute. We’ll try to wrangle prices out of them if at all possible and if not, I guess we’ll have to visit. It just pisses me off that some place that might be totally out of our grasp pricewise might make us come in and do a whole song and dance before letting us know that we can’t afford them. Maybe the really stubborn ones will at least give us a ballpark. I’ve figured that we won’t pay more than $1200 per month for infant care, which averages out to $275 per week. So maybe if we say “we aren’t able to pay more than $275 total per week,” some of the high-end places will recognize having us in would waste their time and not get them any money and will tell us they’re higher than that.

That’s all so far. It’s weird searching so blindly for something we probably won’t need for eight months or more, but I think you’re supposed to figure this stuff out early so you can reserve a spot, so we’re trying to forge ahead. I can’t at all tell how this will go, but my vague impression is that this search is trying and frustrating and stressful for most parents, so I don’t expect our experience to be any different.

17 weeks: been awhile

I haven’t really had time to post lately, and nothing too exciting has been happening until the past couple days.

For the most part, no weird symptoms, and if I have them they’re not very long-term. Some congestion, including clogged ears and extra snoring at night; greatly increased appetite; a little bit of dragginess coming back recently after a burst of energy; belly definitely growing bigger (I’ve been gaining about a pound a week); brief spates of things like bleeding gums, headache, nausea and insomnia. Oh, and I drink water like it’s going out of style and also pee about 12 times a day.

I bought a belly band and have been able to fit into most of my pants again! I just leave them unbuttoned, and the belly band covers that up (and holds them up). $16.99 to the cost total and worth every penny.

I got a bill for my first visit (including blood tests) and rest of OB contract (whatever that is; I’d already paid $127.04 on that): $1012.62. Yowza! Definitely going to take a closer look at my plan vs. NT’s plan during open enrollment. I’m putting $377.43 on the expenses page because that’s the portion that’s due immediately. Good thing they’re breaking it up, because I only have $470 in my Health Savings Account right now.

On the good side of finances, scored some free things: 3 Winnie-the-Pooh books and stuffed animals, baby spoons and a travel case to carry formula powder, some nice flowy slacks that will work well as maternity pants. Have also heard of things one of the grandmas is buying, as well as got a look at a nice dresser, crib, changing table and VERY nice high chair that will be ours for the taking as soon as the current owner grows out of them (he’s just over 2, so he’ll be done with them by the time figlet is born). Not sure about the changing table, but we’ll probably snatch the other stuff up!

Met with HR provider and benefits are slightly better than expected. I don’t get 2 weeks at 100% paid as I thought, but I DO get 6 weeks at 60% of pay, as short-term disability. That’s much better overall. I asked her about sporadic leave and she’s going to check into it, but I haven’t heard from her yet. It may be moot if AS doesn’t get this half-time to full-time job, so I’m not pushing to find out yet. We’re working on scenarios and the good news is, our budget is looking strong enough to deal with some unexpected expenses (of which I’m sure there are going to be a lot), so I feel confident about that. I’d better, because with my pregnancy conveniently falling into two years, if I do stay with my current health plan I’m going to have to shell out $3000-$3500 both years (not counting meds or dental) before I hit my max out-of-pocket.

I went in last week for my quad screen (or tetra screen), which tests for the probable risk of certain birth defects. Dr. O. called today to let me know I have a very low risk of Downs, Trisomy and neural-tube defects! Downs risk is 1 in 2343; Trisomy less than 1 in 5,000; neural tube defect 1 in 3,404. As a comparison, my age group has a Downs risk of 1 in 263, so I feel much, much relief at these numbers. No need for further testing as long as my ultrasound looks good, which is in a week and a half!

So this week looks to be uneventful, but next week we have the ultrasound and then, next day, a tour of the birth center we plan to use.

Wow, I guess I had more to report than I realized!

New blog page for baby expenses

Inspired by the blog hisboyscanswim.com, I decided to make a permanent separate page on this blog for babymaking expenses. I’ll still talk about them in my entries, but I’ll keep that updated as a handy reference for anyone interested in the cost of the baby so far.

14 weeks, 3 days: great appointment and cost update

This morning I had a pleasant doctor’s visit. I told Dr. O about taking my after-sex meds a few weeks ago when I was experiencing UTI symptoms, which a nurse had later chewed me out for when I called in to ask about it. She said I could go back to taking the same pill after sex, and that if I got an actual UTI I would be put on it twice a day for a week, and if I got more than two UTIs or a bladder infection she would put me on it daily for the duration of the pregnancy. Hurrah! I know that overall it’s a stopgap solution for my UTI propensity, but it’s a six-more-months stopgap, so I’m pleased.

Otherwise, nothing much happened. I had gained 3 lbs. since the last visit four weeks ago, which seems about right to me (I’m supposed to gain 25-35 lbs. overall, most of it in the next 2-3 months, and so far I’ve gained about 6). I scheduled the tetrascreen (to check for increased danger of Downs and trisomy) for two weeks from now, and the ultrasound for four weeks. Dr. O listened briefly to figlet’s heartbeat, which is still going strong, and I was on top of most of the things she wanted to talk about: iron supplements, choosing a hospital, taking prenatal classes. She did mention I could get a maternity belt to redistribute pressure if my round ligament pains got worse, which was something I didn’t know existed. It’s something like a belly band, which I also didn’t know existed until recently, which I think supports you and keeps the belly from sagging too much. The maternity belt is thinner and more supportive, or something. Anyway, I’m not sagging and my pain is very mild, so I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Speaking of classes, though, I think I forgot to talk about that in my last post. We scheduled three classes at the hospital that we’re going to use if it looks good (my doctor and the first nurse I saw both prefer it to the other option, so I’m sure it’ll be fine). We also scheduled a tour of the facilities in October, so there will be plenty of time to cancel the classes, which are in December, if we decide against this hospital for some unforeseen reason.

We registered for All About Babies, Breastfeeding Preparation, and Birth and Parenting Preparation. I was only able to register two attendees for each class, and even when I tried to go back in and register a second time for the third person, it wouldn’t let me. So AS is going to call them at some point and turn on the charm to see if we can all three come. If need be, I’ll pay tuition twice for the Birth and Parenting class, though the other two I think we can get by with just two of us attending. There’s a ton of other places to learn this stuff, but learning about the birth process at the hospital where we plan to go seems like a good idea for all three of us.

Updated the baby expenses spreadsheet, crediting myself $20 for September birth control and subtracting $155 for the prenatal classes and $127.04 for an “OB contract” payment I had to make today. So now I’m officially and irretrievably in the red. Sigh, knew it would happen. Total cost so far is $251.29. I haven’t counted the $500+ for my first visit because I haven’t received the actual bill yet, and I’m not going to count things until I pay for them. Plus I’ve had two other visits since then and three appointments (counting a follow-up with my urologist) coming up in the next month, so let’s enjoy the sight of baby expenses being in the hundreds rather than the thousands, shall we?

Today I’m thinking about maternity fashion. I don’t have much to spend, so I think I’m going to troll around for inspiration for now. Maybe when (if) AS ever catches up on all her sewing and editing projects, and manages to make something for herself (which has been a deferred dream for months now), she can do her own take on some of the looks I find. Now is the time to consider fashion; I’m going to start looking my age soon, and probably be carrying around some post-baby weight as well, so my normal ragtag collection of T-shirts and sweaters is just going to look less and less cute. I want to look more dressed-up, current/classic and pulled-together as I get older, so I can counteract aging: not try to turn back the years, but just attempt to look more striking but in an age-appropriate way.